“The Only Thing We Have To Fear Is Fear Itself” (And Car Seat Installation)

They say that what people fear more than anything in this world is public speaking (even ahead of death). To those people for whom public speaking is more terrifying than death, I say,

Clearly you have never installed a car seat.

Because if you had, you would know that this is way more frightening than public speaking (although slightly less frightening than death).

This lucky bastard has never had to install a car seat. Or sit in one.

Want a scary Halloween costume for next year? Dress up as a car seat instruction manual. The kids won’t get it, but you’ll scare the crap out of their parents. And let’s face it, Halloween is for the parents anyway, since we’re the ones who get to stuff our faces with candy without anyone to tell us when we’ve had enough. (Well, my husband tries to tell me when I’ve had enough, but he is well aware of the futility of his efforts.)

Where was I?

Oh right. Car seat instruction manual costume.

Step aside ghosts, goblins and ghouls, I’ve got locking clips, tethers, and side impact protection. 

The acronyms alone are enough to give you an ulcer. LATCH, UAS, CRS, FF, RF…..WTF?

When you go to pre-natal classes, they don’t tell you that you’d be well advised to go and get yourself a quick engineering degree before your baby is born.

Oh well, too late for that now.

Despite the many years my husband and I spent in university getting all smart and edumacated, installing car seats causes us to argue, curse, and long for a simpler time when there were no car seats…or cars. But then I remember that back when there were no cars, there was also no internet, and that is even scarier than car seat installation.

PS. Calling all historical types- if I just completely butchered the quotation in the title, could you please tell me so I can change it and avoid looking like a fool for too long? Thanks.

Listen Up- We Have Some New Rules Around Here

My daughter recently turned one. Amidst all the celebrating, I started thinking about how the number one is a pretty awesome number. Yes, I’m weird like that. Bear with me.

Imagine how amazing life would be if certain things could happen just once. So I decided to stop imagining and to institute a new rule in our household:

 The "Only Once Rule."

The Only Once Rule makes specific demands on all people, pets and inanimate objects in our home. 

The dog 

The dog will be permitted to bark only once to announce that a visitor is at the door, or that he wishes to come in from the backyard.  Any further barking is redundant, and serves only to annoy me.

The baby 

We will attempt to leave the house only once. This attempt will be successful. Always. Oh, and she will only wear one outfit per day. Is that too much to ask?

The husband  

The husband will need to be told only once to take the garbage out/ put his dishes away etc.  And most importantly, this one reminder will actually result in the task being carried out.

Me

I will only nag my husband once when I want him to take the garbage out/put his dishes away etc. Although, I would argue that the reason I need to dole out every-five-minute reminders is because of his reluctance to complete these chores in a timely manner. He would argue that my incessant nagging produces the opposite of its desired effect in that nagging leads to irritation which leads to resentment which leads to “Well, I was going to take the garbage out but now I’m not going to because you’re pissing me off”. He might have a point. 

The highchair 

The highchair will need to be cleaned only once. Ever. This way, when I clean it, and experience a glorious sense of satisfaction as though I’d never have to wash it again, I would not be considered delusional.

I am aware that this new rule might be met with some resistance from all those involved. But hey, there’s always next year when we celebrate the Number 2, and I get to make gratuitous poo jokes. 

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Guest Post: "My Dog Loves My Daughter- He Let's Her..."

I am excited to share with you the following guest post from Certified Dog Behavior Consultant and owner of Family Paws, Jennifer Shryock.

My Dog Loves My Daughter- He Lets Her…

Photo provided by Jennifer Shryock (www.familypaws.com)

I always cringe when I hear this.   I often follow it up with, “Describe what that looks like.”  Then I hear all the things the daughter can do to the dog. 

“He lets her climb on him, and pull his ears, and take his bones and he doesn’t care.  He is such a good boy!" To which I reply, “How do you think other dogs might feel if your daughter did this to them?”  I always hear the same thing: “She only does this with our dog.”  Hmmm really? And even if she did only does this with your dog, does that make it okay?

 

Parents, listen up!  Every moment is a teachable moment!   We are here to teach and guide our children for future success and safety.   We get the greatest opportunity to set our kids up for success with animals by modeling and teaching them in our own home.  Just as we teach manners, we must
teach respect for all living creatures. 

Letting our children climb on or pull on our dogs is teaching our children that having no respect for someone’s space is okay. Labeling our dogs as “good” for tolerating this is only perpetuating the problem.

What if you had a relative come over and your child grabbed her hair and put their fingers in her ears.  Would you say that this is the best Aunt because she lets your child act this way?  Would you be proud of how your child acted?  I bet not.   Why is it different with dogs?  Is it because dogs don’t have a voice?  Well, actually they do speak to us but in a different way. They may be unable to say “Excuse me, please move” like we can, but they do indicate this with subtle signals such as licking lips, turning away, or yawning.

Dogs are very tolerant and put up with much of what we do, but that doesn’t give us the right to take advantage of their good nature. They too have limits and boundaries.  It is my job as a dog behavior consultant to provide resources to educate parents, and it is your job to take a moment to learn more about what your dog is really thinking, feeling and responding so that your dog can truly love your child.

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Jennifer is a great resource for all things dogs and kids. I'm always trying to figure out how to facilitate the best relationship between my dog and my daughter, so I sought some advice from her. You can read my interview with Jennifer here.