“The Only Thing We Have To Fear Is Fear Itself” (And Car Seat Installation)

They say that what people fear more than anything in this world is public speaking (even ahead of death). To those people for whom public speaking is more terrifying than death, I say,

Clearly you have never installed a car seat.

Because if you had, you would know that this is way more frightening than public speaking (although slightly less frightening than death).

This lucky bastard has never had to install a car seat. Or sit in one.

Want a scary Halloween costume for next year? Dress up as a car seat instruction manual. The kids won’t get it, but you’ll scare the crap out of their parents. And let’s face it, Halloween is for the parents anyway, since we’re the ones who get to stuff our faces with candy without anyone to tell us when we’ve had enough. (Well, my husband tries to tell me when I’ve had enough, but he is well aware of the futility of his efforts.)

Where was I?

Oh right. Car seat instruction manual costume.

Step aside ghosts, goblins and ghouls, I’ve got locking clips, tethers, and side impact protection. 

The acronyms alone are enough to give you an ulcer. LATCH, UAS, CRS, FF, RF…..WTF?

When you go to pre-natal classes, they don’t tell you that you’d be well advised to go and get yourself a quick engineering degree before your baby is born.

Oh well, too late for that now.

Despite the many years my husband and I spent in university getting all smart and edumacated, installing car seats causes us to argue, curse, and long for a simpler time when there were no car seats…or cars. But then I remember that back when there were no cars, there was also no internet, and that is even scarier than car seat installation.

PS. Calling all historical types- if I just completely butchered the quotation in the title, could you please tell me so I can change it and avoid looking like a fool for too long? Thanks.

I Think I'll Just Stay On Daylight Savings Time

Apparently it’s almost time to switch our clocks back, and I couldn’t be more unprepared.  I realized this after reading this post by fellow blogger, Dani at Cloudy, With A Chance of Wine. Dani describes how
 she has gradually been moving her daughter’s schedule later and later over the past month. Smart thinking.

I, on the other hand have done nothing to prepare my daughter for the adjustment. This experience is completely new to me- at this time last year, my daughter was a newborn, and a “schedule” was the furthest thing from my mind.  Now, my daughter is old enough to have a consistent schedule, but not old enough to understand that 6:00 am “old time” equals  5:00am “new time”  (ie. Way too early to be awake).  

Prior to having a baby, the end of Daylights Savings Time meant an extra hour of sleep. Amazing.  Back in my teenage years, the end of daylight savings time meant an extra hour to party and a later curfew. Equally amazing. 

But things are different now and I’m less than thrilled about starting my day sometime around 5 am tomorrow.  

I really really REALLY don’t want to switch the clocks back.

So I’m thinking I just won’t.

Would boycotting the return to “real time” really be so terrible? Think of the benefits:

I would be an hour early for every appointment. As every parent knows, getting out of the house with a baby can be quite the ordeal, and often causes frenzy, tardiness, and mismatched socks.

But not anymore.

I would get an extra hour of sunlight each afternoon, which in my opinion would do wonders for combating the winter blahs. (It might kind of suck to be in complete darkness every day until lunch time, but I’m choosing to ignore that aspect).

Then, of course, there’s the most obvious benefit which is that when spring rolls around, my daughter and I will already be on Daylight Savings Time, and I won’t have to re-work her sleep schedule.

So, it’s decided.  I’m going to just stay on daylight savings time.

Who’s with me?

Frugal Friday: Free Babysitting And Cheap Tuna

It's Frugal Friday and if you're a regular reader, you know that I do a frugal living themed post on the last Friday of every month. So, this should have actually been posted 7 days ago, but hey, I said I was frugal, not a mathematician. 

My greatest Frugal Feat of the month was getting a free night out complete with free babysitting. I give 100% credit to my very dear friend who had the brilliant idea of a doing a babysitting exchange where each couple got a night out, while one person from the other couple babysat. 

Perfect!

We put the baby to bed, and my husband and I got dressed up and attended a fancy shmancy charity benefit courtesy of his bosses who had extra tickets.  The night didn’t cost us a cent, and we got to eat, drink, and chat with grownups, with the knowledge that our daughter was in safe hands.

When it was my turn to babysit, it was like another night off. My husband was left at home with to do the dinner-clean-up/bath time/bedtime routine, and I got to go for a nice peaceful drive to my friends’ house. 

Alone.

What’s that sound coming from the back seat?

Oh wait. There is no sound coming from the back seat.

Weird. 

When I got to my friends’ house, their daughter was already in bed, and I got a few uninterrupted hours of peace and quiet, with nothing to but drink coffee and waste time on my computer. 

It was amazing. I should babysit more often.

Are you wondering about the tuna now? You know, the “cheap tuna” from the title? What does tuna have to do with babysitting?  Nothing, actually. I just thought it sounded cool.

But I really did get cheap tuna.

My local grocery store has “dollar days” every so often, where select items go on sale for a dollar. A couple months ago, when they had dollar days, the canned tuna that I normally buy was on sale for a dollar, and so I stocked up.

Unfortunately, we ran out of tuna last week, and so I grudgingly added it to the grocery list, disappointed that I had to buy it at full price. 

Then, as if answering my prayers, the Couponing Heavens opened up and rained grocery flyers. And those grocery flyers read “Dollar Days”, and because sometimes the stars just align like shiny stockpiles of canned goods, tuna was on sale. For a dollar. Ooooooh yeah.

So there you have it folks. The recipe for frugal living- one part awesome friends, one part free tickets, and as much $1 tuna as you can stuff into your grocery cart.

Listen Up- We Have Some New Rules Around Here

My daughter recently turned one. Amidst all the celebrating, I started thinking about how the number one is a pretty awesome number. Yes, I’m weird like that. Bear with me.

Imagine how amazing life would be if certain things could happen just once. So I decided to stop imagining and to institute a new rule in our household:

 The "Only Once Rule."

The Only Once Rule makes specific demands on all people, pets and inanimate objects in our home. 

The dog 

The dog will be permitted to bark only once to announce that a visitor is at the door, or that he wishes to come in from the backyard.  Any further barking is redundant, and serves only to annoy me.

The baby 

We will attempt to leave the house only once. This attempt will be successful. Always. Oh, and she will only wear one outfit per day. Is that too much to ask?

The husband  

The husband will need to be told only once to take the garbage out/ put his dishes away etc.  And most importantly, this one reminder will actually result in the task being carried out.

Me

I will only nag my husband once when I want him to take the garbage out/put his dishes away etc. Although, I would argue that the reason I need to dole out every-five-minute reminders is because of his reluctance to complete these chores in a timely manner. He would argue that my incessant nagging produces the opposite of its desired effect in that nagging leads to irritation which leads to resentment which leads to “Well, I was going to take the garbage out but now I’m not going to because you’re pissing me off”. He might have a point. 

The highchair 

The highchair will need to be cleaned only once. Ever. This way, when I clean it, and experience a glorious sense of satisfaction as though I’d never have to wash it again, I would not be considered delusional.

I am aware that this new rule might be met with some resistance from all those involved. But hey, there’s always next year when we celebrate the Number 2, and I get to make gratuitous poo jokes. 

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Why Malls Were Invented

I never really understood the appeal of malls. Well, except when I was 14 years old, and it was like totally the coolest place ever. But that was before I discovered- well…everywhere else- because almost everywhere else is more exciting than the mall.

Or at least it was. Until now.

I have now reignited my love affair with the mall, and I am a hundred percent in the honeymoon phase.

You see, my one year old daughter recently started walking. At first, all her walking took place at home, as she wasn’t yet steady enough on her feet to take the show on the road. 

Once her walking improved and she was ready to make her debut public performance, we went to the local mall, and I set her loose.  

Suddenly, it was like King Midas had turned the place to gold.

Previously unnoticed signs on the wall became works of art, ugly plants took on a rainforest-like mystique, and benches became percussion instruments.

Now I can add “hanging out at the mall” to the list of activities that I never understood prior to becoming a mom (along with other formerly -deemed “odd” lifestyle choices, such as going to bed early, living in the suburbs, and staying home on Saturday night).

So now I know, malls are for toddlers. And if my daughter loves the mall, I do too. After all, what could be better than watching her take such delight in a place that I previously thought was depressing, at best?

And the cherry on top? All that walking, running, and exploring tired her out so much that she slept for thirteen hours that night. And that, my friends, is why malls were invented.