Wednesday, 24 October 2012

Listen Up- We Have Some New Rules Around Here



My daughter recently turned one. Amidst all the celebrating, I started thinking about how the number one is a pretty awesome number. Yes, I’m weird like that. Bear with me.

Imagine how amazing life would be if certain things could happen just once. So I decided to stop imagining and to institute a new rule in our household:

 The "Only Once Rule."

The Only Once Rule makes specific demands on all people, pets and inanimate objects in our home. 

The dog 

The dog will be permitted to bark only once to announce that a visitor is at the door, or that he wishes to come in from the backyard.  Any further barking is redundant, and serves only to annoy me.

The baby 

We will attempt to leave the house only once. This attempt will be successful. Always. Oh, and she will only wear one outfit per day. Is that too much to ask?

The husband  

The husband will need to be told only once to take the garbage out/ put his dishes away etc.  And most importantly, this one reminder will actually result in the task being carried out.

Me

I will only nag my husband once when I want him to take the garbage out/put his dishes away etc. Although, I would argue that the reason I need to dole out every-five-minute reminders is because of his reluctance to complete these chores in a timely manner. He would argue that my incessant nagging produces the opposite of its desired effect in that nagging leads to irritation which leads to resentment which leads to “Well, I was going to take the garbage out but now I’m not going to because you’re pissing me off”. He might have a point. 

The highchair 

The highchair will need to be cleaned only once. Ever. This way, when I clean it, and experience a glorious sense of satisfaction as though I’d never have to wash it again, I would not be considered delusional.

I am aware that this new rule might be met with some resistance from all those involved. But hey, there’s always next year when we celebrate the Number 2, and I get to make gratuitous poo jokes. 

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

19 comments:

  1. If only this rule could *actually* be real! LOL! A girl can dream...

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    1. Wait, what? It can't be real? You've shattered my dreams. ;)

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  2. The "One Time Only Rule" would fall on deaf ears in my house.

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    1. Really? I'm expecting my family members to comply 100%.

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  3. Ha! I loved this! if only life could be that easy! I for one hate the fact that my husband has to wait AT LEAST 30 minutes before he can do whatever it is that I asked him to do. When I go to do it myself and he gets annoyed that I can't just wait, I remind him that if I wanted it done in 30 minutes, I'd ask him to do it in 30 minutes!

    Congrats on making it to a year! That was a big milestone for me. I don't know why, but things just felt better after a year. So silly, but there you go. :)

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    1. I know what you mean about the one year mark. There are so many things that you're "not supposed to" do before a year. Hello, cow's milk, honey, and whatever else is now considered okay! Yay!

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  4. I love this. I love your writing. So laid back and easy to read. I need to put that only once rule on my kids and my nagging of them. Too much!

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    1. Thank you, Kate. That is such a nice compliment!

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  5. If you could make that happen with the highchair, I would officially be a fan for life. Oh wait, I think I already am b/c your stuff is so great. Here;s to the rule of one!

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    1. If I ever get the highchair to listen to me, you'll be the first to know.

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  6. How about the you only use one diaper a day and I'll happily change it resting safe in the knowledge that there won't be another change until tomorrow. I think this is totally reasonable. You have a great voice...always so much fun to read your posts.

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    1. One diaper a day- good one! I'm going to have to have a meeting with the diapers to fill them in on this. Or am I supposed to be having a meeting with the baby about this? Thanks so much for your compliment. You gave me a big smile, because I absolutely love your blog.

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  7. You are always so funny my friend!! Oh I so remember the baby stage when I would get her ready, put her in the car, just to have her have a major poop explosion! Craziness! Haha nag your husband all day- I do!

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    1. Yes, the poop-explosions- good times. Now that my daughter is older, the right-before-we-leave poos, are just regular style poos.

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  8. I think there are new species growing in my highchair. seriously. Maybe because I seem to only clean it once a day! ;) Great post--very clever!

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    1. Uh oh. Am I doomed to new species growth in the high chair if I only clean it one more time ever? Crap. I knew there was a flaw in my logic somewhere.

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  9. My daughter informed me the other day that she is not only the boss but the boss of me. She's two. So much for rules :(

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