Thursday, 11 October 2012

How To Eat Like A Baby

How to eat like a baby:



1. Whine and Complain and food will miraculously appear on your plate.

2. Proceed to assess the edibility of said food by carefully inspecting it, smushing it in your hands, and  delicately massaging it into your hair.

3. Re-assess favourite foods daily. Enjoying a particular food on several occasions is a little excessive. Once a food has been readily accepted, it's probably time to announce your newfound dislike for this former favourite.

4. Express this dislike by sticking out your tongue. Make sure the offending food is still present on your 
tongue when you stick it out, lest the person feeding it to you be confused about the source of your 
disgust.

5. Decide that the high chair is hungry as well and generously share one quarter of your meal with it.

6. Act highly offended when someone tries to spoon feed you (how barbaric!). 

7. Grab the spoon, demand a second spoon, and delight in the joy of banging spoons on the highchair tray.

8. Suddenly realize that you have not yet eaten anything, and burst out crying at this horrifying realization.

9. Rub more food into your hair.

10. Repeat steps 1. through 9.

11. Decide you weren’t hungry after all.



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25 comments:

  1. This is exactly how our baby ate, thirty years ago.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you're ever feeling nostalgic, I'm always looking for volunteers to clean the highchair. For some reason, no one has signed up yet.

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  2. Sounds like baby is having a blast, but personally I LOATHE feeding time! Hard to stay frustrated though, I'm sure--she looks like such a sweet little cutie!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! I loathe feeding time too. Unfortunately, it seems like it's always feeding time. Maybe because it always is...Well, I can't say I loathe feeding time in general, but there are numerous things that I loathe ABOUT feeding time (see blog post above).

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  3. It's like you were at my house today. and yesterday and, the day before that. Brilliantly outlined.

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    Replies
    1. You mean your highchair is well fed too?

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  4. And my personal favorite - refuse every single thing my mother has made me for dinner, forcing her to make what I always eat - grilled cheese, pasta, veggies, and fruit. Why can't she remember that we don't do "new" stuff in this house?!

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    Replies
    1. Right! How could I forget that one! I should have a pedometer specifically for counting the steps I take back and forth from the fridge to the high chair.

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  5. You forgot #12. Aim for the carpet.

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    Replies
    1. That's why there is no carpeting within an 100 mile radius of my daughter's high chair.

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  6. I think you are a baby whisperer. If I could read minds, I think Hannah's would be checking off this list as I attempt to feed her!

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    Replies
    1. I'm definitely not a baby whisperer. I am a baby observer, a baby poo cleaner-up-er, and baby food maker, but definitely not a baby whisperer.

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  7. I think our high chair may even be better fed then my toddler! I sure was glad to say goodbye to the bottle feeding/washing and baby food days because they were so time consuming, but I think the high chair/self feeding routine might involve pretty close to the same amount of time devoted to it! Cute post!

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    Replies
    1. I agree. Although I still like this stage way better than assembling and de-assembling bottles.

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  8. I always laugh when I see those little mats for sale that are suppose to go under the high chair to keep the floor clean. Really? Who's baby delicately drops their food right under their chair?? Not mine that's for sure....

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    Replies
    1. Good point. I never thought about that because the under the highchair clean-up is done quickly, efficiently, and consistently by my dog. It's the only thing about having a dog that actually makes my life easier.

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  9. Haha- you nailed this post! Don't I wish I could whine and then food will magically appear there. And the rubbing food- Zane could do that all day! Such a ridiculously cute and totally true post!

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    Replies
    1. I wonder if babies are onto something with the whole rubbing food in the hair thing. Maybe it's some kind of hair conditioning system. I mean, babies DO have really soft hair...

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  10. This made me laugh, I even called my best friend and read it to her. Thank you for the great content.

    P.S. I have nominated you for a Liebster award. To find out more about click here.

    http://atmycounter.blogspot.com/2012/10/i-have-been-nominated-for-my-first-blog.html

    ReplyDelete

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