Tuesday, 14 August 2012

If Babies Had Their Own Conferences

It seems that all I hear about in the blogging world lately is the BlogHer12 Conference. Apparently, it was kind of a big deal. Reading all these posts about BlogHer12 got me thinking about conferences, and I started to wonder what it would be like if they had conferences just for babies. Yes, I am aware that my thought process is not exactly linear, but stay with me for a minute.

All practicalities, safety issues, and impossibilities aside, I think this babies-only conference would be quite the interesting affair, filled with fascinating dialogue and debate. I imagine two babies small-talking between sessions, and it goes kind of like this:

“Hi Sophie.”

“Hi Isabella. Good to see you again. How has your year been?”

“It’s been pretty good Sophie, pretty good. I mean, I had a pretty rough first quarter, you know, with the being born and all, but overall, things are on the up and up.”

“That’s great.”

“Yeah, so how about you? How’s your family? How are your grownups?”

“They’re doing really well, thanks for asking. They are truly the loves of my life.”

“That’s so sweet.”

“Yeah, do you want to see a picture?”

“Of course, I’d love to!”

(pulls out phone)

“Aww, they are adorable. So sweet.”


“So did you attend the session on Feeding Your Grownup?”

“Yeah. It was great. I loved all the stuff about mealtime etiquette.”

“Me too! I can totally relate to everything they said. I mean, the feeding is going okay, but my mom keeps insisting on using a spoon, and I’m really trying to wean her off of it.”

“Oh, I know how you feel. I keep trying to teach my dad about putting your food on your face before it goes in your mouth, but he just doesn’t seem to get it.”

“Yeah, having grownups is definitely a challenge.”

“Tell me about it.” 

“But I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

“Oh, I know. Me neither.”

“So are you going to the event tonight?”

“No, I wasn’t invited. I guess I’m not one of the popular babies.”

“Yeah, well you kind of do cry a lot.”

 “That’s true. I have to work on that. Are you going to the party?”

“Yeah I’m really excited. I heard Elmo is going to be there.”

“Wow. What are you wearing?”

“I’m so glad you asked! I’ve been planning my outfit for weeks. It’s amazing. Ready for it? …I bedazzled my pajamas…ironically.”

“Oh wow. That is amazing. Bedazzling is so risqué. I hear choking hazards are all the rage this season.”

“I know, right? Well, anyway, it was great seeing you. I’m off to take a giant crap in my diaper before the next session.”

“Awesome. Have a good one.”

“You too!”

What would your baby talk about if he/she went to a babies-only conference?


  1. LOL! Thank you! Thank you very much.

  2. So funny!!! My baby would say that she doesn't understand why her parents put a camera in her face everyday and why they say "cheese!", it's a food and nowhere near the camera. Thanks for the laugh.

  3. ahahahah!! Yes,I can just imagine them saying something like that!!

  4. OH MY GOSH! hahahahahhaahhahaahhahahahahaha love this!!!! "I had a pretty rough first quarter...you know..being born and all" bahahahahaha


  5. Snort! "Choking hazards are all the rage"! Apparently so--has she been conference calling in with my baby?!

    1. Yes. I think there might be a secret society.

  6. Hysterical! All of it really, bedazzaled PJ's and all.

  7. Both of my kids would have been speaking at the "Sleep. Who needs it?" sessions.

  8. LMAO!!! Loved it! That was too cute! Found you on the TGIF hop and a new follower. Stop by and say hello. http://www.thesexysinglemommy.com

  9. such a great post. my daughter would definitely be one of those swag-obsessed conference attendees, her arms fully loaded with tons of baby gear, knocking other kids over just to get more stuff :). and she might be a featured speaker at the session "Why Our Energy Peaks At Bedtime, and Other Mysteries of Baby Life." :)

    1. Hahahah. I love that. I wish I had thought of that line! It would have made this post so much better!

  10. LOL! Parents are pretty hard to own!!

  11. Great!! I am sure that my 3 year old would be the keynote speaker during "Driving your gorwn-ups to near insanity while maintaining your cuteness." :)

    1. Yup, that pretty much sums it up!

  12. Oh Laura I can always count on you for a great laugh! Bedazzled jammies!

  13. BTW just nominated you for a Canadian Blog Award (in the category of humor)


    1. Thanks so much Shayna. I had never heard of the Canadian Blog Awards so I just checked it out. I nominated YOU for the Family category. :)

  14. Laura- you might one of the funniest bloggers out there! I really enjoyed this chuckle. Thank you!

    1. Thanks, Melissa! I'm flattered. :)


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