Stupid Mom Tricks

Stupid mom tricks- every mom has them. These are the little systems we invent to make the day to day hassles a little less hassle-y. These tricks aren't actually stupid, they are just simple, but aren’t the simplest solutions usually the best?  So, without further ado, I present to you my stupid (smart) mom tricks.

Problem: You finally get your newborn baby to sleep, and you are dying to get some yourself. You brush your teeth, put on your comfiest pyjamas and curl up in your nice warm bed that you now appreciate more than ever. You are just drifting off into dreamland, and the shrill piercing sound of your baby’s cry startles you awake.

Solution: Once you get your baby to sleep, do not put your pyjamas on; do not brush your teeth. Just get into bed. Assume you are going to be woken up in ten minutes, and next thing you know, it's three hours later and you've actually just SLEPT for three hours straight! Don't ask me why it works, and don't come complaining to me when all your clothes are wrinkled, and you have eight cavities. Just be grateful that you finally got some sleep.

Problem: That perfect, delicious cup of hot coffee that you've been craving all day gets cold because you got interrupted by diaper changes/ feedings/ hair covered in baby poo, OR that same delicious cup of coffee gets spilled everywhere because baby has decided to use it for batting practice.  Either way, goodbye coffee; hello grumpy mama.

Solution: Travel mugs. Not just for traveling. Use your travel mug for drinking coffee at home, and all your problems are solved- well, your coffee-related problems, anyway.  My favourite travel mug is the Contigo Autoseal mug. It has this little button that you push while you are taking a sip, and then it automatically closes again when you let go. I play with my baby on the floor, putting the travel mug down beside me, and have never had any spills, despite having it knocked over numerous times. Plus, my coffee stays hot for hours, which is very important, because cold coffee really pisses me off.

Problem: The Urination Situation: As soon as you put the baby in the tub, she thinks to herself, “What lovely warm water. I think I’ll pee now”.   My daughter used to pee in the bath about 75% of the time I bathed her (the other 25% of the time I probably just didn’t notice). 

Solution: Pee Prevention System designed to put an end to the urination situation:

Step 1: Get bath ready

Step 2: Remove baby’s clothes, leaving diaper on

Step 3: Dip baby’s feet in the water (if you’re ambitious, you may dip baby’s hands in as well) for a few seconds.

Step 4: Remove diaper, hoping that she’s peed in the diaper, thus preventing the dreaded bath pee. (Bonus points if you have the kind of diaper with the pee indicator that changes colour when the baby pees, so you can see immediate evidence of your success. Pampers- I hope you’re reading this, because I think I’ve just given you a new angle for marketing the pee indicator. You can thank me with a lifetime supply of diapers, please.)

Step 5: Bathe your baby, and enjoy every pee-free moment.

Should the pee prevention system not work, I don’t know what to tell you. Sorry, you don’t get your money back. You do, however, have my sympathy, and if I ever do get that lifetime supply of diapers, I’ll send a few your way.