If Babies Had Their Own Conferences

It seems that all I hear about in the blogging world lately is the BlogHer12 Conference. Apparently, it was kind of a big deal. Reading all these posts about BlogHer12 got me thinking about conferences, and I started to wonder what it would be like if they had conferences just for babies. Yes, I am aware that my thought process is not exactly linear, but stay with me for a minute.

All practicalities, safety issues, and impossibilities aside, I think this babies-only conference would be quite the interesting affair, filled with fascinating dialogue and debate. I imagine two babies small-talking between sessions, and it goes kind of like this:

“Hi Sophie.”

“Hi Isabella. Good to see you again. How has your year been?”

“It’s been pretty good Sophie, pretty good. I mean, I had a pretty rough first quarter, you know, with the being born and all, but overall, things are on the up and up.”

“That’s great.”

“Yeah, so how about you? How’s your family? How are your grownups?”

“They’re doing really well, thanks for asking. They are truly the loves of my life.”

“That’s so sweet.”

“Yeah, do you want to see a picture?”

“Of course, I’d love to!”

(pulls out phone)

“Aww, they are adorable. So sweet.”

“Thanks!”

“So did you attend the session on Feeding Your Grownup?”

“Yeah. It was great. I loved all the stuff about mealtime etiquette.”

“Me too! I can totally relate to everything they said. I mean, the feeding is going okay, but my mom keeps insisting on using a spoon, and I’m really trying to wean her off of it.”

“Oh, I know how you feel. I keep trying to teach my dad about putting your food on your face before it goes in your mouth, but he just doesn’t seem to get it.”

“Yeah, having grownups is definitely a challenge.”

“Tell me about it.” 

“But I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

“Oh, I know. Me neither.”

“So are you going to the event tonight?”

“No, I wasn’t invited. I guess I’m not one of the popular babies.”

“Yeah, well you kind of do cry a lot.”

 “That’s true. I have to work on that. Are you going to the party?”

“Yeah I’m really excited. I heard Elmo is going to be there.”

“Wow. What are you wearing?”

“I’m so glad you asked! I’ve been planning my outfit for weeks. It’s amazing. Ready for it? …I bedazzled my pajamas…ironically.”

“Oh wow. That is amazing. Bedazzling is so risqué. I hear choking hazards are all the rage this season.”

“I know, right? Well, anyway, it was great seeing you. I’m off to take a giant crap in my diaper before the next session.”

“Awesome. Have a good one.”

“You too!”

What would your baby talk about if he/she went to a babies-only conference?