What Goes On Inside A Baby's Head

Ooooh, look at that bright shiny object!! Amazing! I love it so much. Better take a bite. MmmmRRaarrr. I was right. This is amazing.  No other object could ever compare. I am going to dedicate a— Oh wow! What is that? Oh my God, no way. It’s Sophie the Giraffe! Holy crap, this giraffe is unbelievable. I need to get that in my mouth NOW! What is that smell? Ugh, the Giant Person with Boobs is pureeing something again. Yuck! I don’t want any stupid food. Gross! Oooh look at that drawer, I bet I could find something dangerous to play with in there. Yesss! Choking hazards! My favourite! Let me just---Aaaaah! Why does the Big Giant Person With Boobs always move me when I’m just about to get the party started? Oooh, I never noticed how totally captivating my foot was before. I----AAAHHHH! WAAAAAH! I AM SO HUNGRY! Whyyyyy is no one feeding me! FEED. ME. NOW. Mmmm, nom nom nom yum yum. Thank you so much, Mommy. This is the best applesauce I’ve ever had ever. No seriously. It’s sublime. Mmmm- HEY! Stop shoving that disgusting apple sauce in my face! I’m not hungry! If you don’t stop shoving that spoon in my face this very instant, I am going to have a Category Five Freakout. Put me down on the floor! Saweeeeet! It worked! The Giant put me down! Yay! Now to continue my search for hazardous household objects. Let’s see if I can find some blind cords or wires to play with. Yipppeee! Ok, hold on, I need to take a quick bathroom break. In my diaper. Aaaaah! Why is that damn Giant picking me up again? I have no tolerance for this ridiculousness. Please respect my dignity, and do not wipe my butt. I am quite content to continue going about my day in my poo-filled diaper. With all due respect, I am very busy and don’t have time for this. Okay, reasoning clearly isn’t going to work with this Giant. I better go the freak-out route. Waaaaaahhhhh! Waaaaaah! (Squirm! Squirm! Kick! Arch Back!) Yessss! It worked. I may have a clean diaper, but that won’t stop me from completing my mission! What was my mission again? Ah well, whatever, I’m just going to crawl really really really fast. Wooohoo! Look at me go! This is aaaaweesssoooommeee!! I’m unstoppable! Look at me---Holy crap, I’m tired. Waaaaahhhh!! I’m tired, but I don’t know it. Whhaaaawaaawaa! What? It’s bath time? Ok, I have a second wind. I LOVE THE BATH! No! No! Don’t take me out of the bath! Waaawaaa- Ooooh! Bottle?! For me? Oh, you shouldn’t have. Okay, you should have. Give me that bottle now. I am SOOO HUUUNGRY! Mmmmm. Yumm! Thanks mommy. This is the best bottle I’ve ever had ever. No seriously. It’s sublime. Noooo! Don’t make me go to bed! I’m not tired! Waaahhh…….Zzzzzzzz….