“The Only Thing We Have To Fear Is Fear Itself” (And Car Seat Installation)

They say that what people fear more than anything in this world is public speaking (even ahead of death). To those people for whom public speaking is more terrifying than death, I say,

Clearly you have never installed a car seat.

Because if you had, you would know that this is way more frightening than public speaking (although slightly less frightening than death).

This lucky bastard has never had to install a car seat. Or sit in one.

Want a scary Halloween costume for next year? Dress up as a car seat instruction manual. The kids won’t get it, but you’ll scare the crap out of their parents. And let’s face it, Halloween is for the parents anyway, since we’re the ones who get to stuff our faces with candy without anyone to tell us when we’ve had enough. (Well, my husband tries to tell me when I’ve had enough, but he is well aware of the futility of his efforts.)

Where was I?

Oh right. Car seat instruction manual costume.

Step aside ghosts, goblins and ghouls, I’ve got locking clips, tethers, and side impact protection. 

The acronyms alone are enough to give you an ulcer. LATCH, UAS, CRS, FF, RF…..WTF?

When you go to pre-natal classes, they don’t tell you that you’d be well advised to go and get yourself a quick engineering degree before your baby is born.

Oh well, too late for that now.

Despite the many years my husband and I spent in university getting all smart and edumacated, installing car seats causes us to argue, curse, and long for a simpler time when there were no car seats…or cars. But then I remember that back when there were no cars, there was also no internet, and that is even scarier than car seat installation.

PS. Calling all historical types- if I just completely butchered the quotation in the title, could you please tell me so I can change it and avoid looking like a fool for too long? Thanks.